The first two weeks of college are exciting, full of new freedoms, new friends, and new things to do.
But that’s not the case for everyone. What if you don’t meet your new best friend right away? What if you don’t get along with your new roommate? What if you and your old high school sweetheart break up?
These anxieties—and many more—are all too familiar for Riley McGrath, Ph.D., with Student Counseling Services and Harriett Steinbach, M.S. ’05, from Parent and Family Services. They’re on the front lines when Illinois State’s new students (and their parents) face common transition challenges during their first semester.
Here are some tips from McGrath and Steinbach to help ease that transition:
INDEPENDENCE = GOOD
Many freshmen roommates hit it off and become lifelong friends. But occasionally, early roommate conflicts can lead to panicked midnight phone calls back home, begging Mom or Dad to request a room change.
It may be parental instinct to call University Housing Services immediately, but it’s better for students to learn how to tackle problems like these on their own (barring life-safety issues), Steinbach said. College is about moving into the next phase of adulthood, and that means taking personal responsibility.
University Housing has a solid process in place for roommate problems, from highly trained resident advisors to a Roommate Bill of Rights.
University Housing strongly urges roommates to resolve conflicts themselves. Roommates can use the Roommate Bill of Rights and hall staff to help.
“This may be the first time a student really has to develop some conflict skills, to say to another person, ‘You’re doing the following things that aren’t working for me,’” Steinbach said.
IT’S A MARATHON, NOT A RACE
Not every student finds their tight-knit group of college friends in the first two weeks. A new student’s transition is really a yearlong process.
In fact, every year of college is its own distinct transition. Friendships churn again in sophomore year, while academic work and career preparation dominate junior and senior years.
“Parents shouldn’t necessarily worry if it’s January and their student’s still trying to figure out their social life or social fit,” Steinbach said.
“In reality, it takes a long time to get that comfort level, to find out where you fit,” McGrath added.
THAT SAID … ASK FOR HELP EARLY
One of the biggest misconceptions among students is that they have to be very depressed (or even suicidal) before making an appointment with Student Counseling Services. Not true, says McGrath.
The Top 5 most common reasons that students get counseling are anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, relationship problems, or academic concerns, said McGrath, a staff psychologist at Illinois State. The average student does between two and eight sessions.
“Counseling doesn’t mean you’re not independent or that you failed at college,” he said. “A breakup or having trouble adjusting to college are very serious things we deal with all the time.”
Call (309) 438-3655 or stop by room 320 of the Student Services Building to make an appointment. All counseling services are confidential and provided without charge.
Same goes for those struggling in their classes. Students should ask for help early on, such as tutoring from the Julia N. Visor Academic Center or an “office hours” visit with their professor.
“If you struggle with an assignment or get a D on the first test, seek help then,” Steinbach said.
Students at Up Late at State’s Casino Royale in 2013.
HAVE ‘THE TALK’
Parents shouldn’t assume that alcohol and drugs are just a normal part of college.
They also should take time for a real conversation with their students about alcohol and drugs and how substance abuse can impact academics and other parts of their life. From Up Late at State programs to UPB events to student involvement opportunities, a party isn’t the only way to meet people.
“That conversation from parents about alcohol and drug use is very powerful,” Steinbach said. “Parents are the most influential people in their students’ lives, even though sometimes they think they’re not.”
WATCH FOR RED FLAGS
While patience is key, there are some specific warning signs for parents, friends, and others who are concerned about their new student.
Are they skipping classes repeatedly? Not going to meals? Not showering, brushing their teeth, or taking care of themselves? Those are troubling signs of withdrawal, said McGrath.
Another less-than-obvious sign of trouble is a student who leaves campus and returns home every weekend (without a good reason, such as a job). Many friendships are forged on the weekends.
Illinois State’s Parent and Family Guide is one of many resources available.
“It’s hard to connect to campus if you’re going home every weekend,” said Steinbach.
LEAVING SCHOOL
If a student’s first semester is so challenging that they’re thinking about leaving school, there are several options to consider before pulling the trigger.
Think about what happens after they’re back home. Does the student plan to attend community college, or get a job? Do they have counseling services lined up already?
First things first: Get to the bottom of why they want to withdraw before they do. Did they struggle to make friends? Do poorly in classes? Broke up with a boyfriend or girlfriend?
“Is it something small in the big picture? It doesn’t have to be the end of your college career,” Steinbach said.
TAP INTO OUR RESOURCES
There are lots of ways for new Illinois State parents to stay connected to campus from afar.
You can sign up for the Parent and Family Services biweekly e-newsletter, or join the Parents and Families Facebook group. Most families should already have a copy of the Parent and Family Guide.
Ryan Denham can be reached at rmdenha@IllinoisState.edu.
